Year in Review

In 2008, I published 105 posts here. In 2009, I published 33. I don't know why I don't write as much as I used to. I want to write more, and I want to follow through. Today I found 9 posts from 2009 that I started but never finished, and today I'm in the mood for finishing things. So consider these finished as we sojourn into the first week of 2010.

3/23/2009
I haven't written lately because I've been tired and grouchy, and just the same as no one wants to be that person, seldom few want to read about it either. Myself included. How's that for honesty?

5/9/2009
This afternoon I ran full-force into a drinking fountain at Pioneers Park while trying to catch a Frisbee. My hip is bruised, tender and aching.

6/4/2009
I realized yesterday that I've been especially blessed by my distant friends this summer. In the last two months, I've spent time with nearly all of them. Which might explain for the lack of posting here.

7/2/2009
Today I'm overwhelmed with apathy.

8/4/2009
Every year Union offers a free blood chemistry test for all its employees. This morning while I was having my blood drawn, I overhead another man asking about the optional prostate and thyroid tests. "What are PSA and TSH?" he asked. The woman drawing my blood must've noticed that I was listening in; she leaned closer and whispered in my ear, "You don't need any of those hon'. You're still just a baby."

8/16/2009
Tomorrow marks the official start of the fall semester at Union, and I'm pretty bummed. Sometimes, when I'm in this kind of mood, it helps to do all my laundry. Everything's clean and hanging neatly in my closet, organized in color order. But tonight it doesn't seem to be helping. So I turn to Deb Talan. Together we sing of loneliness and longing and love and how sometimes we could see how cutting an ear off might be the most productive and satisfying thing to do. I'm tired of feeling misunderstood. It took me most of the night just to come up with that word—"misunderstood"—and strangely, it makes me feel a bit better just having labeled it, this heavy feeling growing inside me. It's hard to fall asleep. I have too much energy; my mind is too active this kind of night. Leslie and I have decided that she and I are very much opposites. She's the ultimate morning person. I clearly am not. Ben at 7 a.m. is a mean, grumpy mess. Ask Leslie. Leslie knows. Ben at 11 p.m. is alert and good to go. Which really sucks. So I lay under my covers in my dark room, and I try to sleep, but instead all I can do is think and worry, worry and think. About tomorrow and the future, of jobs and relationships, old dreams that I lost hold of somewhere along the way and new hopes still young and tender and fresh. I will dream, simple dreams. I will play my guitar and sing. I will hug the ones I love. I will not let myself lose sight of all that I've been given.

8/28/2009
So let's be honest. This hasn't been my most prolific blogging year. Maybe I'm in a rut. Maybe I've used up my allotment of creativity. Or maybe I've lost site of my hopes and aspirations.

10/14/2009
My boss got everyone in our office a big bright red exercise ball. We're supposed to sit on them instead of our desk chairs. At first I was not a fan of this because I thought it looked silly. Now I'm not a fan because my back is aching. Apparently I don't have good posture. I wonder how long I will have to sit on this stupid ball before my body corrects itself.

11/4/2009
Day to day, there's not much of worth for me to share. The little things that fill my 9 to 5 aren't very interesting. Who needs to know that I finally gave in and bought two boxes of shiny new paperclips for the office last week? Who cares if I don't like eating seaweed? I've listened to The Weepies' "All That I Want" about a dozen times this morning, but it doesn't matter.